Bff or Nah!
We all claim to have them, right? We go on our girls trips every year. We have our girl’s brunches and our girl’s night outs. We celebrate our birthdays and milestones together, but do we really have BFF’s? Furthermore, are you considered BFF material right now? It’s important that we are careful with the company and energy we keep, at all times. Being a “good as friend” is a lot of work. It’s basically another relationship without the bedroom benefits, or maybe you do have bedroom benefits. Hmmmm. Ha! I aint here to judge, and that’s a whole other level of friendship and boundaries we can get into within the future blogs. Being that friend takes a lot of commitment. From BOTH parties. Showing up when it’s needed and understanding when your ride or die can not be there in presence but knowing that they are holding you in a positive healing energy no matter what. Letting your friend know that you are thinking of them always. We never know what people are really going through. Even your close friends. So reaching out is important. Set reminders. Make it a certain day of week that you guys talk. A certain time of the month that you may take your friend out for some QT time. Send them sweet nothings in the mail. Help them through situations! If its financially, give what you can.. receive with an open heart. If you can only give attention and time that is AH-MAZING. Time is sensitive and you are not promised the next minute. So value time just as much as you value money and whatever else. I am saying all of this to say.
Check in with yourself from time to time. Ask yourself questions about how you are doing? How do you personally feel about how you have been with giving your friends attention this week, month, year – you know with being a good friend. I have a few checkpoints that I personally do when I self reflect on me being a good friend to others that I will love to share with you guys.
Self – Reflection and Going Within is huge as I mentioned above. It is something that we must do with everything in our lives. This is how we get to understand who we really are. What we really like and don’t like and what we can really handle and the things that may require more attention on our part in order to really understand their purpose in our lives. All is takes is a little moment to ask yourself a couple of questions:
A. How have I been this week, couple of weeks, or month as a friend?
B. What are some things that I did to show the ones I love I am thinking of them? C. Have I been there for my friends lately?
i. Emotionally?
ii. Physically?
iii. Mentally?
Now fam, YOU KNOW the things that you normally do for each close friend. These things may not all be the same, but you are the only one that knows your regular routine with close friends. Like you have that friend you always talk on the phone with. That friend you may club with. That friend you go to museums with or brunch with. So I am saying you will know how to navigate the personal reflection questions to yourself better than I can, but this is just my general friend self-reflect process that I am giving you to create for yourself. This will definitely help you remain on track on being that BITCH. Which brings me to my next topic.
Support. This is a big one because a lot of us see this in different ways. Which is OKAY FAM. Some people show support just by reaching out to you and checking in with you. Some people show support by attending every function or event you have. Some show support by finances. Whatever your support style is, rock with it. Do it unapologetically because that is your uniqueness, and if someone close to you does not appreciation how you choose to support them – well you need to go back to a reflection stage honey!
Praise’em! You damn straight, I said praise them. You can’t sit here and read this shit and tell me that you don’t like no praise your damn self. So if you like to receive praise, why wouldn’t the people closest to you? Let them know that you are proud of them. Let them know how LIT they are this season. Let them know you have been seeing all of their good efforts on their journey. This sets you aside from everyone else. It shows your heart, your soul, your spirit. You are not just a BASIC AS BITCH. You are THE BITCH. This is always the goal FAM.
Reciprocate – YAS, honey! I love me some reciprocation. Especially with friends, family and loved ones. Reciprocate the love, the time y’all, the little thoughtful things your friends, family or loved ones may do for you.
Love Unconditionally - don’t be that salty bitch, over every little petty thing. Come on now, let’s grow the fuck up. Love unconditionally EVEN WHEN YOU DO NOT AGREE. Ha! I know some of y’all are giving me the side eye right now but think about it. That aint your life! If your bestie wants to do something that you do not agree with, you can make that statement and then you let that shit go and let that baby girl live. OKAY! If it aint for her, she will find out. You just be that support through thick and mothafucking thin. Ride or Die it OUT to the END. Don’t’ spend YOUR life worrying about the next. That is way too much energy to wasted Fam, when you can be using that energy to thrive somewhere in your own life. Do I need to drop the mic? LOL
Help Find Solutions - When your friend calls you to vent, let them vent with silence. Meaning, just let them vent, without being that co-signer. You can agree with some shit, because that’s what besties do with supporting them but on the other side, help sis get out of her situation and into something positive. Let’s find some solutions here. I find this to be amazing with friends. When you begin to do this, your friend will automatically begin to do it back when you become the ventee and then BAM look a here now you both are adulting, and helping each other out and growing together, which in return you become even closer. This bond right here – is some top-notch shit.
Reminders Of Self Care - We are all busy bees, and I personally feel like it is important to remind your friends of self care habits. We get lost in our daily routines that a simple reminder to your friend to breathe, listen to some music, go get a manicure or pedicure or massage you have been putting off for months. These little reminders come into handy when you end up hearing your friends constantly talk about how tired they may be or overwhelmed. If you have been witnessing your friend over working themselves. Maybe there has been a lot of family drama around them, relationship issues, just anything. Throw out that reminder. Girl, don’t forget to give yourself some time. Verbally ask your friends what are some things they may enjoy doing. Even if you already know the answer, make them say it to you, that re confirms it for themselves. You can do this fam!
Respect them in ALL aspects:
Sis, this is important. So listen up. Respect. Understand. Love. Say it with me. Respect. Understand. Love. That’s it.
If you friend is busy and can not make it to your event, or answer your phone for the day. It is OKAY. Hell even if your friend isn’t busy and just needs quality time with themselves during an event of yours or during any time that you may want your besties around….let them be. It is okay.
We WILL never really know how our besties are doing or feeling every second of every day. So make sure to not project your emotions for them not being available for you at that time onto them. They are your besties. They deserve the space, respect, and love that you have to give them. Our besties are not around to be on our beck and call all the time.
Even if we feel this way.
Lord know I personally feel this way. I am a softy. My feelings get hurt easily but this is something I know about myself. It aint my besties fault I am a softy. So since I am aware of who and how I am, I am able to process any saltiness I may feel ever and know that it is just me in my feelings. Ha Ha. Talk about some mothafucking growth!
And that is it!
And so it is!
Follow these Core Concepts I have developed or create your own to be able to live up to that BESTIE TITLE.
LOVE Y’ALL
~Self Made Goddess ~